lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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