Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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