My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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