Jerry, you need to find god
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
