Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
