I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
