I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I supernannyed him into submission
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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