Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
