Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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