It's Friday. Sex?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
