your parents love me but you hate me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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