Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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