I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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