I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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