I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
