My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
