it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
