for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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