At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
