it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
