Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
