nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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