I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
