I'm so fucking centered right now
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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