His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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