pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
