Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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