How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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