I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
