Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
