it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
