My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
