1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize