Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
