i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
