I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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