On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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