you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
