all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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