Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!