I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
