Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
