I love black thongs
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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