Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
