She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
