I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
