FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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