so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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