I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
