I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've changed since you got that strap on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
