i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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