It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
