so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
