? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
