The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
