you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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