So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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