lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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