So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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