Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
