I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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