Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
