Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
