you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
