I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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