Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
