Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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