I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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