I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
