whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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