May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
only if we run a train.
done.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
