I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Randomize
