if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
