At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
