Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
