If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
