if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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