Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize