for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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