My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
