OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
