The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
