I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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