Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
